🍀From “Too Nice” to Truly Kind: Building Boundaries Without Losing Yourself

Have you ever said “yes” when every cell in your body wanted to scream “no”? Maybe you agreed to help someone at the last minute, replied to a text you regretted, or sat through a conversation just to keep the peace.

That sinking, crawling-under-a-rock feeling? It’s the cost of being too nice.

We’ve been conditioned to believe that “nice” means self-sacrificing. That if we don’t bend over backwards, we’re selfish or unkind. The truth? When we constantly say yes out of fear of disappointing others, we abandon ourselves—and that’s not kindness, that’s self-betrayal.

🌀 The Trap of Being “Too Nice”

People-pleasing often starts with good intentions. We want to be helpful, easy to get along with, and supportive. But over time, that “yes to everything” habit takes its toll:

• Exhaustion: You’re running on empty because your energy goes to everyone else.

• Resentment: You secretly feel used or unappreciated.

• Loss of self: You forget what you actually want because you’re so tuned in to others’ needs.

Ironically, when we’re too nice, we don’t show people our true selves. We give them a version that’s constantly filtered, softened, and shaped to avoid rejection. That’s not real connection.

🦋 The Shift: Kindness with Boundaries

Here’s the good news: kindness and boundaries are not opposites—they actually fuel each other. When you set boundaries, your “yes” carries weight because it’s genuine, not forced.

Think of it like this:

• Saying “yes” when you mean “no” = dishonesty (to yourself and to them).

• Saying “no” clearly, calmly, and without guilt = respect (for yourself and the relationship).

Real kindness isn’t about pleasing everyone—it’s about showing up honestly, even if it’s uncomfortable.

 🧩 What It Looks Like in Practice

1. Pause Before You Answer
   If someone asks for your time, energy, or attention, don’t auto-reply. Breathe. Check in with yourself: Do I actually want to do this? Do I have the bandwidth?

2. Use Simple, Clear Language
   Boundaries don’t need 14 sentences of justification. Try:

   • “I can’t make it, but thank you for asking.”

   • “Not this time.”

   • “I don’t have the capacity for that right now.”

   Notice these phrases are short, respectful, and final. No guilt, no over-explaining.

3. Sit With the Discomfort
   The first time you set a boundary, you might feel guilty. Your nervous system will scream, They’ll be mad! They’ll leave! But most of the time, people adjust. The discomfort is just proof you’re breaking an old habit.

4. Give Yourself Permission
   Boundaries are not walls—they’re doors. You’re not shutting people out, you’re choosing when and how you engage. That’s love with clarity.

💖 When You Love Someone but Need Space

Boundaries don’t just apply to acquaintances—they’re essential in close relationships, too. You can love someone to the moon and still find yourself annoyed by their chewing, their stories, or just their existence on a tough day.

This doesn’t mean you love them less. As relationship coach Kira Asatryan explains, occasional irritation is part of healthy intimacy—it means you’re real with each other. Love isn’t a constant warm fuzzy; it’s a commitment. Sometimes commitment looks like stepping away to cool off, putting in headphones, or texting “love you” when face-to-face feels too much.

Grace and space can co-exist. That’s how relationships grow.

🌱 This Week’s Micro-Experiment: Don’t Explain Your “No”

For the next 24 hours, say “no” without padding it with excuses. Don’t over-apologize. Don’t manage the other person’s feelings. Just be clear.

• Instead of: “Ahh, I wish I could, but I have so much going on and I feel terrible…”
  → 🗣 “I can’t make it, but thanks for thinking of me.”

• Instead of: “Maybe, let me check and get back to you” (when you know you won’t)
  → 🗣 “Not this time.”

• Instead of disappearing
  → 🗣 “I’m not available for that right now.”

At first, you’ll feel awkward—like you’re being “mean.” But you’ll discover how much energy you’ve been wasting trying to soften the truth.

🪁 The Payoff: Freedom and Real Connection

When you move from “too nice” to “kind with boundaries,” here’s what happens:

• You stop resenting others because your yes is authentic.

• You feel more grounded and less scattered.

• People trust your words more, because you actually mean them.

• And most importantly—you start respecting yourself.

Saying “no” to what drains you is how you finally say “yes” to the life you want.

Boundaries don’t make you less kind. They make your kindness sustainable. And that’s the kind of nice that actually lasts.

✨ Remember: You don’t have to choose between being nice and being strong. True kindness includes honesty, clarity, and courage. When you honor your own limits, you teach others to honor them too.

📜 About the Boundary Check-In Worksheet

This simple worksheet helps you reflect on where you’ve been “too nice” and practice setting healthier boundaries. Inside, you’ll find reflection prompts, a quick boundaries audit, space to practice saying “no,” and an action step for the week.

✨ Boundaries aren’t about being mean—they’re about protecting your energy so you can show up as your best self.

Local Spiritual Events

🌟 Free Astrology Class: Use Mars for Your Highest Potential!

When: Sat, Aug 23, 2025, at 11:00 AM PDT)
Where: Online (Zoom link provided upon sign-up)
Cost: Absolutely free to attend!

What You’ll Explore:

• What Mars signifies in your astrology chart, and how it reflects your drive, passion, and purpose.

• How your Mars can guide you toward your true calling, spark motivation, and help you take empowered action.

• A rare opportunity: Attend on time, and you could be entered into a drawing to win a private chart reading tutorial with Linda Mendonsa—Director of Astrology Learners Academy, with over 40 years of experience.

For more information : Click HERE 

💖 Free Masterclass: The Art of Shadow Work – A Channeled Masterclass to Reconnect with Your Body

• When: Thursday, August 21, 2025 — 90 minutes live
  • 11:00 AM HST / 2:00 PM PDT / 5:00 PM EDT

• Where: Online — attend live from anywhere and receive replay access Eventbrite

• Cost: Free to attend — accessibility and transformation combined

  Why You Want to Join?

• Tap into your body’s deeper wisdom to unveil root causes behind emotional patterns like procrastination, burnout, people-pleasing, or reactive behaviors

• Experience a channeled somatic practice guided by Maricar Apuya, with real-time transmissions from high-vibrational beings Seraphim, Metatron, and Xavier

• Participate in an embodied shadow work session designed to help you transmute—not just manage—your shadows through healing and energetic release

• Option for participant sharing: a chance to receive direct, guided insight during the session

For More Info : Click HERE

✨ This Week in the Stars: Sudden Twists & Fresh Starts

The skies are buzzing this week, and the energy is anything but quiet.

🌑 A New Moon in Virgo (Aug 22–23) arrives with a sharp square to Uranus—translation? Expect surprises. It’s the perfect time to reset, set intentions, and embrace a shake-up in routines, relationships, or even long-held habits. Think of it as the universe handing you a clean slate… with a twist.

☀️ On August 17, the Sun aligns with Ketu in Leo, stirring spiritual clarity and karmic reflection. Some may feel detached or deeply reflective, almost like old cycles are dissolving to make space for new beginnings.

💡 Add Mercury working smoothly with Mars, and you’ve got fiery communication energy—great for speaking your truth and making clear decisions.

This week’s astrology asks: Where are you ready to stop overthinking and start fresh?

👉 Curious about how these alignments affect you personally? I’ve got a resource you’ll want to check out.

Click HERE to see what the cosmos has in store for you

Final Thoughts

Boundaries, relationships, and even the cosmos are all reminding us of the same truth this week: growth often comes from discomfort. Saying “no” without guilt, giving yourself space even when you love someone deeply, or embracing the shake-ups brought by the New Moon—all of it is an invitation to step into clarity.

Remember, it’s not about being perfect. It’s about showing up honestly, protecting your energy, and trusting that both love and life can hold contradiction: you can care deeply and still need space, you can be kind and still say no, and you can feel shaken by change yet still step forward with courage.

With love & gentle courage,
Tomoko 🌸

If you feel called to go deeper into this kind of healing—beyond the mind and into the soul—I invite you to explore a QHHT (Quantum Healing Hypnosis Technique) session with me. Many find it to be a beautiful way of uncovering clarity, peace, and answers that the conscious mind alone can’t reach. 🌙 

Learn more about QHHT —— www.tomokouno.com